When I don’t charge what I’m worth, I feel resentful.
I recently had a session in a healing modality for women.*
It cost $420.
Which triggered the fuck out of me.
I found all sorts of ways to try and weasel around paying the full amount - I went on the modality’s page to “discover” that it said my practitioner was still in training, and should be charging 70% of the total amount. Thankfully I exist within a community that values open, honest communication so I messaged my practitioner about it and discovered she is fully certified, fully congruent with charging $420, AND about to put her prices up to $450.
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER!
3 hours of her time? $420!!
But really this was nothing to do with her, her skills or the modality. And everything to do with me.
Am I okay with charging $420 for 3 hours of my time? …..
But she spent 14 grand on her training… that’s why its $420….
Yeah, but so have I!
So really I SHOULD be charging $420!
I WANT to be charging $420.
Life is a mirror, right.
I’ve also realised that this Mandala Macbook Manifestation project is WAAAY more than just a series of mandalas. It’s a framework for self development. Its bringing up all my unconscious beliefs around selling my art and making me look at them.
The whole project has ground to a halt because I haven’t been feeling congruent with my time to money ratio.
I have become resentful!
I don’t want to paint!
I have been spending WAAAY more than $250 of time on each painting, let alone the time to stretch and prime the canvases and create the mandala “map”.
Going way above and beyond what I said I would, and feeling ripped off, and I cant blame anyone else for it - I’m ripping myself off!
Right now I’m not sure how else to price my work other than money = time.
All I know is
When I don’t charge what I’m worth, I become resentful!
So I devised a plan to get myself back on board with the project.
I’m going to do one in an hour.
Stretch and prime the canvas first, use one of the mandala maps that I have already made, then set my timer, and see what I can do in an hour.
We were always told in life drawing that the most information is taken down within the first two minutes, and some of my two minute poses have been better than my 20 minute ones. There is something to be said about painting on a time limit. And I’m excited to see what happens.
And just like that, my passion for the project is back.
*Name omitted as this post isn’t relevant to the modality