How being "on fire" leads to burnout.
The past few weeks I have been GOING GOING GOING, PUSHING PUSHING PUSHING, DOING DOING DOING.
Get big, become known, pump out artwork, grow my Instagram, grow grow move forward, run workshops, live from my art, make a living, figure out my finances, respond to emails, post a blog every now again, do more Instagram work, take photos, pump out more artwork, do commissions, figure out how to fill workshops, go to the post office, fix my website…. ET CETERA.
A few days ago I posted an artwork entitled “on fire” because I had been on fire those last two weeks. But a few days later my energy troughed, my hormones kicked in and the veil lifting power of my mensturation slapped me in the face - "you’re trying to go too fast."
I've been doing so much pushing lately that I don't know how to stop. I’m afraid that I’ll lose my momentum if I stop pushing. But I’m halfway to burnout as it is.
Right now I’m trying to make the thing I love become my sole income, and learning from past experiences I want to make sure I do it sustainably and predictably this time.
I’m working two days a week at my hospo bread and butter job. This is affording me stability at the moment but it’s about to change - I am about to leave my day job and spend a few months living solely from myself and my small savings, travelling Tassie and teaching a few workshops. Once I get back to Melbourne I’ll most likely get another day job, hopefully within a realm that serves and interests me.
There is a discord though, because in all my free time I’m working towards creating the life I want to be living. Hence all that pushing.
I’m in transition. I so deeply want to be rid of working at unfulfilling jobs just so I can eat. I so deeply want to be able to make great money from doing the things that I am good at.
And so while I’m making the thing I love to do into my job, I don't give myself days off, because I’m “doing what I love" and I become depleted. It's totally unsustainable, and all I have been doing is pushing pushing doing doing forcing forcing and it's not working!!
I keep having dreams about going to day spas but I never quite make it inside, haahha.
I need to remind myself that it's still. work.
Even though I enjoy most of it, it's still. work.
Maintaining a social media presence is (a lot of) work, painting is work, responding to emails is work, trying to figure out how to fill workshops is work, and I really need to draw the line and remember to play and remember to rest, and stop DOING.
I’ll let you know what happens.